Like Everyone Else

Circa 2009, during my primary school days, on one afternoon after school hours, we were waiting behind for extra lessons. Our teacher, for some reasons best known to him, felt the need to be uncharacteristically sleazy. He sampled four of us: two boys and two girls. We were all classmates, but for that experiment that afternoon, he intended to put us at levels apart from each other.

He asked each of the girls to choose between me and the other guy. Unsurprisingly, they both went for the seemingly better-looking boy. It was all fun and jokes until he gave me the reason I was not preferred. He cited my look, and by that I mean my physique and my hairline. This man clearly told me to tell my mother to ‘feed me well’. It was for that statement I have always tended to remember that afternoon.

You know why that experience was inconsequential to me? I was leading my class academically. I led every year. Where it mattered most, every other ‘better-looking’ person was behind me, gasping for breath just to catch up.

But in that moment, he did a damage. He ruined my self-esteem before my classmates. I was young and naïve. I couldn’t process my thoughts in a matured manner like I do now.

This and other derogatory statements I got in my early years wounded me. Everywhere I went, people passed snide comments. I was sidelined. I was made to think I was not up to par. Like I was unworthy. There was insane classism around me, and I didn’t fit into any of the ‘high’ classes. The only place I was genuinely accepted and loved was at home. Family will forever be family. Now you hear me say “home is where hearts don’t break” — that line got its bearing from those early years of struggle.

Now that I’m grown, both mentally and physically, I know better. Let me tell you what I have figured out along the way and that keeps proving to be true in life. It’s the fact that you are like everyone else.

I have not come to motivate you or inspire you into thinking better of yourself. I have come to squash that thought and idea completely. No one is lower than anybody. On account of looks, we are equal.

Watch this: for height; is there a standard for what a perfect human height should be? I doubt it.

For physique; is there a template for what the flawless physique is from creation that we should gauge ourselves with? I doubt that as well.

For hairline; is there a sample of what the perfect hairline looks like? I have not found one.

You can also make a case for color, accent, and every natural feature that gets people uncomfortable in their bodies.

The fact that there is no perfect mold of human anywhere tells you one thing: these things are all human concepts. Someone somewhere woke up one morning and came up with these concepts and have meddled with people’s minds everywhere. It is for this singular reason I have completely disregarded that thought and concluded that it is only but a fool’s beer parlor discourse.

What you look like has no significant bearing on your destiny. It does not matter by any stretch. It shouldn’t even be a thing in the first place. It’s not worth paying attention to. It is not going to hinder anybody from getting to where they are meant to get to.

Lionel Messi is considered the greatest footballer that have ever graced the sport, and I’m convinced about that as well. He’s my GOAT. But you know one interesting thing about Messi, and I believe many will agree with me on this, is the fact that he looks nothing like a footballer. He’s so small that if success in football were measured by height, he would not have even qualified to audition in the first place.

He broke goal scoring record in a calendar year in 2012 with 91 goals. But if he saw his pictures from that year, you would doubt if that was the same person I am talking about right now. He appeared chubby and overweight. But he wasn’t. He only looked like he was, just like someone somewhere is thinking they are too slim to do something spectacular with their lives right now.

Messi is not the best model of an athlete, but he’s the greatest of them in the football world; and that’s all that matters. There are fitter players, who have the appearance of what a proper sportsman should look like yet will never be able to touch the helm of Messi’s garment. Some of them play for my club, sadly so.

Just like nobody cares what Lionel Messi looks like, what you look like is nobody’s business; it shouldn’t get in the way of what you should achieve in life. Stop giving it too much thoughts.

Your body and your looks do not have the potential to stop your greatness, unless you allow them. Don’t fix anything. Don’t struggle with anything. Why fix what is not broken anyway?

So find peace, my friend. Stop fighting your color. Stop fighting your body. Stop fighting your hairline. Stop fighting your accent. Stop fighting your height. Stop fighting your physique.

It’s an endless and unnecessary battle with yourself. Your stature is not your enemy, neither is your dentition nor accent.

And you know one thing about constant fighting is, it breeds insecurity. Insecurity is restlessness, fearfulness. It destabilizes your peace. It hunts down your serenity. You will always be at war. And this war, it’s impossible to end up on the winning side.

In the grand scheme of things, what you look like is absolutely insignificant.

Let me tell you the hidden damage that indulging in this internal battle causes: it brings lack of stability; in your mind, and in your spirit. You are regularly distracted, even when you don’t know it. Your mind is always focused on the wrong things, and as a result, pursuing your goal will be less prioritized. The longer you indulge in these fights with your body, the less time you focus on what matters.

Your look and structure does not come in anywhere on your journey. Don’t act like nature has cheated you. For God will always do a perfect job, like he has done for you, as well as every living human.

No two persons have the same faces. God, the creator, is experimentally creative with His creations. You are in a world of your own beauty and elegance. Every human on earth is uniquely created. No one is better looking than you.

Don’t bury your head in shame just because you feel unworthy. Don’t press yourself beyond bearable limits. It’s a very harmful thing to do.

So take off your cap, there’s nothing wrong with your hairline.

Engage in the conversation, you are worth listening to.

Take your seat at the table, you are not ugly.

Stand amongst the league of giants, your height is not your weakness — you are a giant too.

Don’t undermine yourself. Go for it like everyone else. Turn up like everyone else. Be involved like everyone else. Live life like everyone else.

Don’t live in pity; there’s nothing to pity. Don’t bury your head in shame; you are wasting time doing that.

Be you. You are fine. There is no malformation in you. Don’t see yourself or anyone else in that light.

Like Messi, what matters is not how you look, you can be the greatest just the way you are. You are built like everyone else, and you can even stand out. Focus on what matters. Give attention to your life not your natural appearance.